Monday, July 12, 2010

Pimps, Trannys and Tourists, oh my.....

So just going to give you a full bullet points to highlight the wtf that is my life

- I discussed the pros and cons of dating a tranny with a dear friend of mine. I asked why I was the one fortunate enough to receive this call. his response? Because he didn't know anyone else it would seem appropriate. So i guess score one for my "I'm super tolerant" card. 2 more convos like that and I have enough punches that I can't be convicted of a hate crime AND i get a free slushie

-Chesh has a telephone jack int he bathroom of his new house. I am equally delighted and disturbed by this.

-I got to be involved in some tourist photos today. My office is about a block away from a few very touristy type spots in my city, and I frequently have to walk through one of these to pick up sushi for the office. (Yup, i'm that douche bag). Today there was a Latino family posing infront of fountains and street signs blah blah blah taking photos. The dad grabbed me and asked me to be in one of their photos because they wanted a "native" in the picture.
A Native? Native what?!

Bitey's Monday Morning office attire.
I hate to break it to these cats, but I'm not a native in any sense of the word. I am your typically white girl mutt breading of a few drops of eveywhere in Europe, and I'm not a native to the city I currently live. Yes I've been here going on 7years, but that's not a native.
That is where I am a "native", complete with state motto. that I wear proudly on my Laundry Day T-Shirt

- Same trip through this particular part of town I walked alongside, without speaking, to a pimp. This is not "I'm profiling and assuming the man in a blue and silver thick pin striped suit with silver wingtips, hat with feathers, and pimp cane". This dude is a pimp. Gold teeth glimmering in the sun and everything.

It even inspired the following:

Oh scary pimp man, with your pimp cane in your big pimp hands.
Why do you come out in the day? Are you taking your Ho's out to play?
Your pimp suit is so fine with it's bold silver stripes and blinged out tie.
Your face looks like it has been shanked, by a hundred different skanks
who didn't know with whom they had fucked.
Oh Scary Pimp dude with your swingin attitude
Why does yo' grill gleam? Are so fresh and so clean clean?
Your pimp hat so grand, with peacock feathers in the band.
You make this white girl tremble in fear because you are so near.
Vanilla does not need to be my new name.
So be free pimp man, with your pimp cane in your pimp hand, to rule the bitches with your gilded fist!
And I believe i am done for the day.

"No No NO! It's a Pimp Named Slickback, like A Tribe Called Quest. You say the whole thing!" So for today my pimp name is "A Shark Named Bite Back" -Bitey

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