Now?? Now I have a few drinks, STRUGGLE the next morning and kind of want to kill myself as I listen to the buzz of florescent lighting.
Oh the juvenile shit my friends and I would do. That they will still do, and occasionally talk me into. And by occasionally talk me into I mean they give me the idea and for some reason all the little red flags don't start waving so I become the ring leader in shenanigans again.
A typical "not being old" night out with Bitey has this many red flags.....by 6 o'clock But my shenanigans are getting fewer and further between, and my Mom moments more frequent. God Damn It. I'm getting old. Which blows because aren't your mid-twenties supposed to be prime crazy times? I mean come on. In my circle of Biffles I am, not only the sole college graduate, but also only person with a job that does not involve the phrase "Can I get you another Coke sir, or are you ready for the check?" Now don't get me wrong, I am not hating on these people.
I actually told Cheshire earlier today how i should just stop being a big kid and come work with the rest of them. But they all go out and do WHATEVER all hours of the day and night. While i work a normal 9 to 5 and have to sleep at some point. Which is another reason I feel so old. I used to function like a normal human being, at least as normal as I ever was, on 1 maybe 2 hours of sleep. But now if i don't get at least 5 hours of sleep a night, i can't function. At all. And God knows as soon as I get home from work I'm a take a nap. And don't even get my started on my secret stash of energy drinks hidden in my office.
I believe my "blood" is more blue monster than either blood or booze
I actually told Cheshire earlier today how i should just stop being a big kid and come work with the rest of them. But they all go out and do WHATEVER all hours of the day and night. While i work a normal 9 to 5 and have to sleep at some point. Which is another reason I feel so old. I used to function like a normal human being, at least as normal as I ever was, on 1 maybe 2 hours of sleep. But now if i don't get at least 5 hours of sleep a night, i can't function. At all. And God knows as soon as I get home from work I'm a take a nap. And don't even get my started on my secret stash of energy drinks hidden in my office.
I believe my "blood" is more blue monster than either blood or booze But none of these things are really what makes me an old lady. Yeah, they make me OLD but not old as hell. Which is what I am.
Number 1- I live with no Cable or Internet. Yup, i have to gank internets from friends, family and co-workers. Really, its a problem. (Part of why i totals suck at blogging religiously.) Also lack of cable has cut me off from a good bit of popular culture. SO when people talk about rando shit on like HBO or Fuck even Comedy Central so on and so forth I have no idea whats going on. I also have REALLY shitty antenna TV, which i rarely watch, sooooo yeah fuck TV. Pretty much the only TV shows I watch are Big Bang Theory and Glee. Cuz I'm cool like that.
2- because I have no TV or Internets at home, I read. A lot. And not normal stuff, like non-fiction.
3- Because of my lacking in pop culture knowledge of TV, internet and "literature" I have NO GOD DAMN CLUE about Harry Potter, Twilight any of that crap. I'm sorry I was in middle school or some shit when Potter came out. I remember the dumb twats reading that crap and do book reports, while I would do book reports on, ya know, real books. So when i went to college and people were CRYING OVER HARRY POTTER I couldn't handle it. I refused to learn about it, and thus totals missed a cultural train entirely. But oh sweet god, did i get to see one of the Potter movies on opening night. I, in my eternal nerdiness, was like the stereotypical jock walking in on the chess club. Mocking the grown ass men dressed up as, what i refered to as "The golden Snatch" (apparently it's a snitch). I also greatly frustered those around me to the point they asked me waht i knew. Hand to god I said "Well...>I know there are like 4 houses. There is the Bubble house for the dumb kids, the Griffin Dorm, i think they are supposed to be heros or some bullshit, oh the Bird House for all the smart kids and the Snake House for all the bad people....i think it's green" Not only did i make an entire theatre twitch, but I made a 40+ year old man lose his shit. His eyeliner lightning bolt even came off. I proceeded to listen to my iPod and ask questions loudly during the rest of the movie, cuz i liked watching the vein in Mr. I'm-over-40-and-dressed-like-a-children's-book-character's neck pulse
4) I hate WOW. There, I said it. Nerds of the world unite against me. It's retarded. I played it once, killed some bitches, got kileld said "Fuck this shit" was forced to play on someone's account. Killed their flying beast thing. They said "fuck this shit". Game over. I know a lot of people who play and still think of this:
Number 1- I live with no Cable or Internet. Yup, i have to gank internets from friends, family and co-workers. Really, its a problem. (Part of why i totals suck at blogging religiously.) Also lack of cable has cut me off from a good bit of popular culture. SO when people talk about rando shit on like HBO or Fuck even Comedy Central so on and so forth I have no idea whats going on. I also have REALLY shitty antenna TV, which i rarely watch, sooooo yeah fuck TV. Pretty much the only TV shows I watch are Big Bang Theory and Glee. Cuz I'm cool like that.
2- because I have no TV or Internets at home, I read. A lot. And not normal stuff, like non-fiction.
3- Because of my lacking in pop culture knowledge of TV, internet and "literature" I have NO GOD DAMN CLUE about Harry Potter, Twilight any of that crap. I'm sorry I was in middle school or some shit when Potter came out. I remember the dumb twats reading that crap and do book reports, while I would do book reports on, ya know, real books. So when i went to college and people were CRYING OVER HARRY POTTER I couldn't handle it. I refused to learn about it, and thus totals missed a cultural train entirely. But oh sweet god, did i get to see one of the Potter movies on opening night. I, in my eternal nerdiness, was like the stereotypical jock walking in on the chess club. Mocking the grown ass men dressed up as, what i refered to as "The golden Snatch" (apparently it's a snitch). I also greatly frustered those around me to the point they asked me waht i knew. Hand to god I said "Well...>I know there are like 4 houses. There is the Bubble house for the dumb kids, the Griffin Dorm, i think they are supposed to be heros or some bullshit, oh the Bird House for all the smart kids and the Snake House for all the bad people....i think it's green" Not only did i make an entire theatre twitch, but I made a 40+ year old man lose his shit. His eyeliner lightning bolt even came off. I proceeded to listen to my iPod and ask questions loudly during the rest of the movie, cuz i liked watching the vein in Mr. I'm-over-40-and-dressed-like-a-children's-book-character's neck pulse
4) I hate WOW. There, I said it. Nerds of the world unite against me. It's retarded. I played it once, killed some bitches, got kileld said "Fuck this shit" was forced to play on someone's account. Killed their flying beast thing. They said "fuck this shit". Game over. I know a lot of people who play and still think of this:
That's actually not South park, but Jackalope and his friends on a Friday night
5)- i LOVE the retro channel on my antenna TV. Old School Hulk with Lou Fargino, Wolf Man Jack's B Horror movies, ANYTHING with fucking Vincent Price (Personal fav would be "Dr. Goldfoot and his Bakini Machine) I'm sorry, TV was just BETTER back in the day, just like granma says.
5)- i LOVE the retro channel on my antenna TV. Old School Hulk with Lou Fargino, Wolf Man Jack's B Horror movies, ANYTHING with fucking Vincent Price (Personal fav would be "Dr. Goldfoot and his Bakini Machine) I'm sorry, TV was just BETTER back in the day, just like granma says.
6) FUCK 4 Square! Fuck Twittering about where you are. Call me old fashioned but i don't need everyone and their mother knowing where i am every second of the day,. MAINLY because NO ONE CARES. Seriously. no one gives a fuck you just made a sammich and are on your way to work in sweatpants. No one CARES you totals just drank a bottle of jack in your car.
Except Big Brother, but he already knew
Seriously. I really don't think I need to put on Facebook, Twitter, 4 Square or anything else what I'm doing 24/7. I mean If you care where I am or what i'm doing you can always call me or text me. Or creepily memorize my sched and wait for me outside of my apartment (Gyarr and Jackaloper I'm lookin at you on that one). And if you don't care, you won't want to read my 4 square or twitter or facebook. And If you are an ex/no longer my friend/ boss/mother, I don't need you facebook stalking me and being able to figure out I'm ACTUALLY at a bar knocking back half price jager bombs on a Sunday afternoon rather than at church like the good Southern Belle you think i am.
So fuck it. I'm old.
Off to buy hard candies and "Aud de Granma" - Bitey
So fuck it. I'm old.
Off to buy hard candies and "Aud de Granma" - Bitey
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