I am trying SOOO freakin' hard to post more guys. I know the quality was never that high to begin with, but suck it, it's probs gonna slip a little more since I'm going from at least every other day posts.
First of all- My head= Musinex mascot housing project.
This fucker and aaaaaaaaaaaall his buddies from down at the docks/ factories/ construction site have decided to take a vacation.
In my face.
Ugh this blows.
God i knew it was bad when.....this might be TMI but I really don't care.....I had a more-than-twenty-minute nose bleed. Legit. I sneezed and then it was like my nose was on it's period. I wanted to die. Then my Demon Puppy (DP for short) whom i love dearly ate the klenex. I made her sleep in her chair, she was not crawling in my bed after that. It was that gross.
What I don't get is I can breathe, but everything in my face hurts. One of my eyes is even kinda puffy. I realized this as I tried, in vein, to put on eyeliner this morning.
Let's go play on WebMD and see what it says. 1- Cuz it's fun and 2- I am FAR too cheap to go to the real doctor.
OK So according to WebMD I may have the following:
*Nasal Irritation - wouldn't that be a sympton not a diagnosis?
*Foreign Object in my nose - Um, when I saw this all I could think of was Homer Simpsona nd the Crayons
*Accute Sinusitis- My money is on this one
*Nasal Dryness
*Chronic Sinusitis- hee hee Chronic. All that makes me want to do is listen to some old school Dre
*Polyps
*Broken Nose
*Hay Fever
*Aspirin Use- how much Aspirin does it take to F up your nose like this!?!
*Pink Eye
*Excessive Cocaine use
Wait..... WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WebMD thinks i have a Coke problem because my sinuses aren't right? I'm a little offended WebMD. First of all, I may have done some shady things in the past. I mean God knows it will never be Bitey for President.....ever. But coke is something I never fucked with.
She never did coke either , Just has REALLY bad sinus problems.I mean I get the connection, but really WebMD!?!? If you are going to accuse me of being a drug addict can't you at least ask me if I have done drugs?
Ugh I can't handle this right now. I just want to go home, curl up with my evil dog in my owl jammie shorts and Teddy Bear hospital T-shirt (circa 1990) and watch Arrested Development in a medicated haze.
I have a fever too. At least according to the ONLY thermometer I own. Which is a Candy thermometer. Which I guess is better than none at all. i just don't know how accurate it if on....people.
My mom got it for me for Christmas because of my old lady hobby of baking. I have used it for baking/candy making maybe MAYBE twice. Instead every time my air breaks/ I am too lazy to try and read where the little line is, I use it to figure out how hot/cold my apartment really is. This time I decided to see if it would work on me. Don't worry, I washed it!
But yeah, it said I was at 100 even. Who knows if it's right.
Taking someone's temp with a candy thermometer seems like the set up of an epic yo mama so fat joke, but alas, I'm just not that good.
*sniffle sniffle* - Bitey
No comments:
Post a Comment