My life is a fail

And I am reminded of it at least 6 times a day.
I mean I like to think of myself as mildly successful, i have a real job, I have an apartment that is the least ghetto apartment I have ever lived in, my lovely puppy, i work out, i eat decently, not a lot of debt. But no, no, God likes to remind me that i am in fact, a fail.
Oh, you'd like examples would you?
Wanna hear it, here goes.
#1- Today Jackalope and I did our usual Tuesday lunch. It's usually awk-ish if for no other reason that he always comes into my office looking like he was pulled from the bottom of a barge (i love you, you know it's true and i always tell you you look rough. haha) So today was no exception there. We get the the resturant to go to lunch and as usual we look like a pair that doesn't belong (he's a bartender, I work in an office,kind of a diffrent day look) and the president of my small company is there waving at me and Jackalope. instead of acting like a normal person what do i do?? PANIC! I swore el presidente gave Jackalope a side eye so i grabbed him and was like "Um....we're eating inside not the patio!"
he thought i was crazy and that someday my office will have to understand I am, in fact, human, but that day was not today soooooo panic
Panic is what makes me a fail

another example?
Running with my dog today I tripped and faceplanted infront of at LEAST 30 people becuase my dog tripped me.

ANOTHER example?
I got in my car to come over to Nemo's to watch Glee. I had been whitening my teeth with some Crest White Strips. Totals forgot they were on until i got to a light. So I did what anyone would do, peel those nasty things off my toofs and threw it out my car window. I then look up and see a totals hot dude looking at me and my tooth strips with utter disgust.
FAIL

*sigh* and that's just what i remember of today. I know there is more.

please share some FAIL moments guys, make me feel a little better.
And for a little insentive- my ultimate fail moment- Dog threw up a used codom on my then ....whatever's (bf?) feet. Yup. She got in the trashcan (WHO THROWS CONDOMS AWAY! YOU FLUSH THAT SHIT!) ate a freshly used condom. Let it roll around in her gut for several hours then threw it up on his feet when we got back from a date like the next day. Probably the most traumatic moment of my life.
................i think i'm going to take a bath with a radio after that one
-Bitey